Me: yeah, my connection sucks today. it keeps disconnecting and reconnecting.
Them: oh, let me run some tests on your system. Hmmm... looks like you're static.
Me: no, we're setup with DHCP.
Them: well, i can't ping you.
My head: yeah, dumbshit, that's because 1) our router isn't replying to ICMP stuff, and 2) our cable modem can't get a time slice now because you oversold our market. besides, what the hell does not being able to ping me have to do with having a static IP? maybe that you can't track if it we're not using DHCP?
Me: no, we're using DHCP.
Them: what operating system are you running?
My head: heh --- the router or which of the 10 computers?
My head: Maybe I can get the stupid bastard to think I'm a newbie.
Them: What version?
Me: 98 I think.
My head: Actually, the Linksys router is running Linux, I'm running Windows 2000, my other computer is Linux, .... shit, I don't actually have a 98 computer. What a fun lie.
Them: Let's go check your DHCP settings.
My head: Shit! Busted?
Him: Do you know where those are at?
Me: umm... I'm not at our Windows 98 computer now.
Him: Are you running a network there??
My head: Of course you dumb bastard.
Me: No, I'm just downstairs now... my dad's computer is upstairs.
My head: What a stupid lie ... he's heard me typing the whole time telling him what's going on with the network.
Him: How many computers do you have connected to the Internet??
My head: Fuck, abort, abort!
Me: I'm going to go upstairs and reboot the computer ... that helps sometimes. I'll call back later.
*sigh* No progress. Can't get them to fix the problem because that'd expose that we're sharing our connection with a dozen computers. Fuck @home.