Anyway, I'm now connected at a blazing 45,333 bps. Not quite a 768 kbps DSL line, but better than nothing.
Better, Dana also has Win98 Second Edition which has half-assed IP Masquerading built-in ("Internet Connection Sharing") so I can eventually use her modem connection from the basement, once Erik unlocks his bedroom so I can get one of my hubs out of there.