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Brad Fitzpatrick

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Evening [Sep. 23rd, 2001|03:32 am]
Brad Fitzpatrick
Went out with Chuck and Patrick to see "The Deep End" in Bellevue. After that we hit Dick's. Chuck rented "The Siege" and then we watched that.

Depressed/lonely/sad. What's new? I hate using my journal just to whine. I tell myself every day that I'll only post happy things, but that's misrepresentative.

I was considering writing a post mortem of Blythe and I, but that's just too depressing. The first day we seriously talked about breaking up she asked, "And will you be just totally fine tomorrow?" I said yes, but it'd hit me in the weeks following. And so it went. At least I know myself well enough to have predicted that behavior.

Thinking back on all my past relationships, I realize the problems and incompatibilities have always been there from the start. It's just that the good things and happiness overshadow them. But then the happiness fades and the incompatibilities remain constant, now occuping a larger percentage of the relationship. Then the breakup. And then in retrospect, you only remember the happiness, now that the problems are gone. That's always the case. I look back on past family vacations and can remember every fun detail, though I kinda remember lots of fighting between my brothers and I, but not enough to overshadow the happiness.

So now I'm off to bed, lonely and alone. But at least I'm not the only one. [1] [2], and many more I'm sure. Not that other people's unhappiness helps mine any, though.

Once school starts, I'll be busy and things will be better. (yes, keep telling yourself this...)
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: angelicdestiny
2001-09-23 03:33 am (UTC)

and many more I'm sure

yes. many.
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[User Picture]From: skeets
2001-09-23 03:57 am (UTC)
That really, really sucks. :( I have always wondered about my past relationships as far as problems, as in, were they always there, or did he/I change, thus creating new problems. I suspect that it's often a little of both.

You're a lucky man though, to be able to look back on it and remember the happiness. I always, *always* feel bad, because I when I look back on my old relationships, the first thing I always remember is what a dickwad he was near the end/post-breakup, or what I jerk I probably was around that time. And that sucks, because there *were* good times, and a lot of them. No healthy person sticks with a relationship for a long time when there aren't any good times. *Remember the good stuff!* It's important, whether you're missing it, or just being glad that you had it.

Don't worry about the whining vs. happy posts either. Nobody's happy 100% of the time, and I don't think anyone expects your journal to be All Happy All The Time, even if yer "Mr. LJ" or whatever.

And feel better! (when you're ready)
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[User Picture]From: firewalkwithme
2001-09-23 04:57 am (UTC)
I guess there's always the hope that one day, you'll meet someone with whom the happiness never dwindles, or never becomes overshadowed by the "incompatibilities". You have to wonder if in a few years to come, you'll be a different person and those little things that bugged you or didn't work, wouldn't even matter anymore. You have to wonder if when people are older and find their "true love" and settle down, are they just settling? Or are they wise enough, have they learned that the incompatibilities weren't that at all, but merely a chance to adapt and learn about the human spirit.

[what the hell did I just say? *sigh* Anyway, just letting you know I read it and cared, or something. Time for bed, yes.]
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[User Picture]From: christowang
2001-09-23 06:17 am (UTC)
I think back on my old relationship that has now been over for 2 years, and latest over 2 years.

I think about all the good things, but during the end all I could thing about is all the bad things. So now, I think "Maybe I made a mistake by letting her go." Then again, why were things so bad at the time that we had to leave each other. What a battle. It really hurts your head.
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[User Picture]From: way2tired
2001-09-23 06:48 am (UTC)

Relationships

I think all relationships turn out this way. Even Marriage. I know of two of my friends who married who actually get along better now than they did before, but I also know of some infidelity there, so don't ask me how that happened. Every other relationship I've seen, including my own marriage, the 'suck factor' increases over time. Its depressing shit, but its true.

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[User Picture]From: fallingphoenix
2001-09-23 08:41 am (UTC)

Re: Relationships

Suck factor. . . Humm. I've been married for only a year af a few months. What nice things to look forward to? :P
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[User Picture]From: way2tired
2001-09-23 05:55 pm (UTC)

Re: Relationships

I've been married 3 and a half, but we were together so very long before that, so I figure that counts into the equation.

You get tired of each other, but you still love each other, so you end up in this "I'm tired of you, but if we parted ways I'd miss you so much I'd go back" scenario....

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[User Picture]From: natlet
2001-09-23 07:08 am (UTC)
Brad, do you need a hug?
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[User Picture]From: kiad
2001-09-23 07:11 am (UTC)
I am considering watching "The Deep End." How was it? Did you enjoy it?
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[User Picture]From: chuck
2001-09-23 09:55 am (UTC)
If you're female or gay you'd like it. It wasn't that bad, but it just wasn't the best choice for three guys to see together.
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[User Picture]From: kiad
2001-09-23 10:04 am (UTC)
ok. you actually made me laugh enough to spit out what I was drinking.

Hmm. But, did you enjoy it? Have you seen anything better recently? I am just looking for a good movie to see tonight. Thank you for the laughter, though. (=
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[User Picture]From: chuck
2001-09-23 10:39 am (UTC)

Re:

No, I didn't enjoy it. There was a gay love scene between a highschool boy and a guy in his thirties that was rather disturbing. I'm definitely not against gay people, but I just never chose to picture them actually fucking. It was too much. Not something I wanted to see. Ok, so besides the man on boy buttlove action, every scene felt a little long and drawn out. But that's how the girlies like it I think, so they have enough time to start feeling sorry for each character or something stupid like that. As for other movies, I have no idea. But I'm definitely going to see K-Pax on Friday. Kevin Spacey rules.
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[User Picture]From: cheshie
2001-09-23 12:34 pm (UTC)
ugh. I concur.
I thought it sucked, and I'm even a woman! But then again.. I live for movies like.. like.. SPIDEY!!! SPIDEY SPIDEY SPIDEY!!!
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[User Picture]From: starbelle
2001-09-23 09:54 am (UTC)
:(

Everyone gets lonely. But you will find someone someday, and it will go away. The loneliness now is worth it.
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[User Picture]From: niko
2001-09-23 11:14 am (UTC)
things like this are part of what's making me shy away from getting into any relationships.

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[User Picture]From: adrenalinegirl
2001-09-23 01:18 pm (UTC)
...And as I sat there, brooding on the old unknown world, I thought of Gatsby's wonder when he first picked out the green light at the end of Daisy's dock. He had come a long way to this blue lawn and his dream must have seemed so close that he could hardly fail to grasp it. He did not know that is was already behind him, somewhere back in that vast obscurity beyond the city, where the dark fields of the public rolled on under the night.
...Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgastic future thatyear by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that's no matter-tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther...And one fine morning...

So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.

-The Great Gatsby by F.Scott Fitzgerald

yes shoot me now...i just quoted out of a book for lack of good advice to give...somethings better than nothing...right?
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[User Picture]From: sparklymegz
2001-09-23 02:26 pm (UTC)
I know you get tired of hearing this, but things do get easier. Once your regular schedule with university starts it'll be easier to stop thinking about it.. (I've been a university for almost 1/2 term now, and well, all the shit that happened in the summer seemed to disappear as soon as uni started because I didn't have time to care)..

Good luck.. if you need a helping hand with anything, give us a yell:)
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[User Picture]From: thegreatdark
2001-09-23 03:01 pm (UTC)

Bad memories

You could be like me, and forget all the good memories (and wind up calling her a bitch after breaking up and telling her off)... I force myself to write down the good stuff now. Yay for private entries :)
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[User Picture]From: paigelynn
2001-09-23 03:21 pm (UTC)
*Hugs*
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From: ex_wizzbiff592
2001-09-24 03:06 am (UTC)
Yeah relationships that end like that are never fun. *Hug*

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