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Brad Fitzpatrick

[ website | bradfitz.com ]
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Random blatherings [Jan. 18th, 2002|03:20 pm]
Brad Fitzpatrick
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I'm actually pretty happy in general. My journal might lead you believe otherwise.

I keep myself so busy during the day that I don't allow myself the time to type up journal entries over a few lines. Except, of course, during my fleeting bouts of anger. So the net result is a journal with a bunch of whining and a few entries interspersed with entries along the lines of: "I'm tired. Going to bed now."

I do compose long journal entries, however, though only in my mind. I compose them while driving, while cooking, and at night in the 3 hours before I fall asleep. I tell myself that I'll type them later, but later either I'm busy again, I've gotten frustrated by something I've read in my email, or I'm embarrassed about how corny my deep thought of the night before sounds when put into words.

"put into words"

Language is cool. I just can't get over that. Its entire purpose is an interchange format for passing ideas, to actualize the intangibility that is thought/desire/emotion/etc.

I'll never speak German wonderfully, but it's fun to learn and it makes me appreciate how powerful a grasp I have over my native language.

Given enough time I could accurately describe any thought or feeling I'm having. Lately I've been feeling guilty that I don't do this enough. I mean, what's the point of learning German, an interchange method of thought, when I don't actively express my existing thoughts with anybody in English as it is?

So I tell myself at night in the comfort of darkness that I'll write and share and people will understand. But even in my native language, just the discussion of the mostly slightly personal topic is fraught with difficulty. One unclear sentence and the whole message I'm trying to convey can take a different meaning. "can" That's the thing --- I'm never sure how people will interpret what I write.

It comes down to balancing the good with the bad. Does the benefit of n% of the readers understanding the message outweigh the negative cost of the other fraction misinterpreting it? If the misinterpretation has no associated negative cost (i.e. "um, what? brad's on crack or something.") then I can just post without concern... any small value of n still results in a positive net gain of understanding spread. But if there's negative cost from its interpretation, then I either have to be very careful, or not communicate at all with a gauranteed outcome of +0, a safe play.

Safe-schmafe.

The only way I'll improve at describing what I'm thinking is practice. I wish I could force myself to be more talkative.

There's this girl that was in my German class last quarter. I see her every few days on campus and we smile/wave and whatnot. I haven't had the chance to talk to her in over a week. Her German class this quarter is at the same time as mine in the same hall of the same building. So I should run into her more often, but it must be bad luck. I think we'd get along really well. I thoroughly enjoyed talking to her before class last quarter. For the past week I've been planning on inviting her to go do somehting but haven't seen her. Wish I knew her last name or email address or something. *sigh*

End diversion.

Crap's come up and my temporary wave of sharingness is over and it's time to be grumpy for awhile.

Back to work.
LinkReply

Comments:
[User Picture]From: ebound
2002-01-18 03:30 pm (UTC)
Nor does your userpic convey your happiness.
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[User Picture]From: brad
2002-01-18 03:43 pm (UTC)
A neutral looking userpic was my goal.

If it's too happy or too sad looking, it limits its possible usage.

I mean, I'm not this creative:
http://www.livejournal.com/allpics.bml?user=mart
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[User Picture]From: mart
2002-01-18 03:47 pm (UTC)

Yay me!

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From: artsyvenus
2002-01-18 03:49 pm (UTC)
Haha! I love your mood pics..... though "angry" looks a little more like "slightly constipated". Still, very clever.
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[User Picture]From: mart
2002-01-18 04:01 pm (UTC)

Yeah, I'm going to redo unsure and angry when I get time. I redid them all just last week, and my old angry one was better, but it's gone now and I can't be bothered to re-upload it. The problem is I don't get angry very often, so it's quite hard to fake it! ;)

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[User Picture]From: brad
2002-01-18 04:09 pm (UTC)
Heh.
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[User Picture]From: ebound
2002-01-18 03:50 pm (UTC)
You have too much spare time.
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[User Picture]From: mart
2002-01-18 04:02 pm (UTC)

*sigh* You're full of criticism this evening.

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[User Picture]From: ebound
2002-01-18 04:11 pm (UTC)
Meh.
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[User Picture]From: niko
2002-01-18 04:54 pm (UTC)
and yet you titled it "happy!"

also you don't use this userpic enough. whenever I see it it makes me think of this tune.
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[User Picture]From: mart
2002-01-19 05:23 am (UTC)

I think, for fun, Brad should give that one picture every keyword I have and actually go to the trouble of selecting the correct keyword for each entry despite the fact that it's the same picture! ;)

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[User Picture]From: diapholom
2002-01-18 03:41 pm (UTC)
"There's this girl that was in my German class last quarter"

you have to make it happen. a girl is a goal. or you can keep dreaming :]
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From: ex_cyke631
2002-01-18 04:07 pm (UTC)

My thoughts on you...

Brad,

You have it all. You went to college, you are within falling distance of your degree. You have a successful DOTcom company. You have legions of fans/users/customers. You want something, you buy it.

I'd love to walk a mile in your shoes. I graduated high school in Vancouver Washington in 1993. There was no money for me to go to college, and no support from my family. I worked full time, doing production work. I was a computer geek, I'd been online since 1987 (bbs's). I didn't think I wanted to work with computers. I worked production. I made crap for wages. I went to the local community college when I could, got maybe 2 quarters worth all added together. Then, after working Silicon Wafer Production from 1995-1997, I said f-it, and went to support Windows 95 at a Microsoft Outsource Partner. From there to another support position, from there to Exchange 2000 protocol testing, to Microsoft Press Software testing, and now to Exchange Server Support as a contractor at Microsoft. My whole life is a fraud.
How I wish I could have your youth, your education, to go forward and tear the world up any way I saw fit. You've got a shitload of potential. You've got advantages some of us only dream about.

The point of this - do what you want. The only limits are 24 hours in a day, and Time To Live.
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[User Picture]From: diapholom
2002-01-18 05:13 pm (UTC)

Re: My thoughts on you...

oh in a restless world like this is, love is ended before it's begun~ :)
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[User Picture]From: chyee
2002-01-18 04:28 pm (UTC)

Girl problem solved!

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[User Picture]From: pjammer
2002-01-18 07:19 pm (UTC)

Re: Girl problem solved!

Actually, they are a complete, out-and-out fraud.

Heh. :)
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[User Picture]From: bostonsteamer
2002-01-18 09:10 pm (UTC)

Re: Girl problem solved!

Or a joke?
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[User Picture]From: after40
2002-01-18 04:39 pm (UTC)
Why don't you create a another journal? One where no one will be able to connect you with the position that you hold. After all what good is having a journal if you can't put down what you actually think/feel - regardless of what other people will think, or what they read into the meaning of your words?
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From: evan
2002-01-19 12:38 am (UTC)
That was the purpose of this one.
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[User Picture]From: whorylori
2002-01-18 04:44 pm (UTC)

German Speaking Community



Why not create a German speaking community on here? Maybe you would enjoy it - maybe not.
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[User Picture]From: calliste
2002-01-19 10:34 am (UTC)

Re: German Speaking Community

There actually are German speaking communities on here... but I think all of them are run by German speakers so they don't consider speaking German as anything special. Maybe it is high time to create a "I'm a foreigner and want to speak German somewhere" community and I can look at the posts and chuckle. and correct them.
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[User Picture]From: dottey
2002-01-18 09:40 pm (UTC)
You should carry a tape-recorder around with you. And record your journal entries throughout the day. Then play them back through your computer using some sort of text-to-speech software, and wa-la! LJ entries via voice!

Well, it sounds like a fun/geeky thing you'd be into :-)
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