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Brad Fitzpatrick

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solicitors [Oct. 24th, 2003|04:50 pm]
Brad Fitzpatrick
We seem to be getting an increasing number of solicitors here at the office. We even put up a "NO SOLICITORS" sign, but it doesn't seem to help. I've started just being mean to them... it's ridiculous.

We've been considering stronger signs for the door:

"We kidnap solicitors."

"Solicitors: Beware of foot."

"Solicitors: Walking, human spam."

"Go away. We're hard at work and our time is worth more."

We had some other good ones too, but I forgot.

Now, the question is: do we hang all these up outside, or just continue to fuck with dumb solicitors that ignore sign?

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[User Picture]From: brad
2003-10-24 05:00 pm (UTC)
Internet access.

Paintball trips and supplies.


Accounting services.

Office supplies (pens & papers)
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[User Picture]From: chris
2003-10-25 03:13 am (UTC)
Its surprising. I know someone who sells framed prints in such a manner, and enough people buy them for it to be lucrative.
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[User Picture]From: jwz
2003-10-24 05:17 pm (UTC)

self-modifying problem

You should buy the paintball guns and use them against later solicitors!
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[User Picture]From: jwz
2003-10-24 04:56 pm (UTC)
What kind of crap are these people trying to sell you?
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[User Picture]From: wolfieboy
2003-10-24 05:03 pm (UTC)

Re: Solicitors

An amusing one that I saw:
We shoot every tenth solicitor and the ninth one just left.

Another idea is to launch into a Jehovah's Witness speech when they come in...
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[User Picture]From: twistopher
2003-10-24 05:05 pm (UTC)
Have a little sign made that says "solicitors will be shot due to tresspassing on private property. And yes it is legal for us to do it"

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[User Picture]From: joshc
2003-10-24 06:10 pm (UTC)
## Days since last solicitor seriously injured:

Do your part to prevent workplace violence!
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[User Picture]From: darksoul
2003-10-24 06:10 pm (UTC)
My vote is for "Your mom didn't get any money out of me either." That might be better used verbally though, you might offend actual visitors with a sign.
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[User Picture]From: greg
2003-10-24 06:31 pm (UTC)
Do you work in a building where you have to keep the door unlocked? One of my customers just keep their doors locked and an intercom by their front door. That's a good way to screen the solicitors.

Though, I like "we kidnap solicitors."
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[User Picture]From: dakus
2003-10-24 06:32 pm (UTC)
lock the door...install doorbell...setup wireless cam...
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[User Picture]From: nolegs
2003-10-24 08:07 pm (UTC)
How about some biometric shit too? Maybe a big German dude with a machete? Some concertina wire? Attack monkeys with robot arms?
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[User Picture]From: funjon
2003-10-24 06:33 pm (UTC)
"Solicitors are trespassers.

Trespassers will be shot.

Survivors will be prosecuted."
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[User Picture]From: algeh
2003-10-24 06:39 pm (UTC)
No idea. Is the sign clearly visable? Try positioning it in such a way that there isn't any way to find the doorknob without reading the sign, such as having the sign haning over the doorknob. Then rig the door to dump water on anyone who enters, like in those cheesy movies.

These people probably focus on smaller offices because the big ones have receptionists to chase them off. Do you ever get legitimate walk-in traffic?
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[User Picture]From: henry
2003-10-24 08:54 pm (UTC)
supersoakers, duh
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[User Picture]From: bryan
2003-10-24 10:26 pm (UTC)

Warn them first

Great idea, but put up a sign first: "Warning: Solicitors will be shot repeatedly with Super Soakers"

When a solicitor comes in, everyone can run screaming to the door and fire away. Could be a good way to blow off stress, and you may find yourself looking forward to solicitors.

Bonus points if you take pictures of the drenched victims and post them next to the sign as a warning.
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[User Picture]From: tigery
2003-10-24 10:25 pm (UTC)
solicitors the other white meat....
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[User Picture]From: andosama
2003-10-24 11:26 pm (UTC)
You look like Bill Nye the Science guy. ^___^
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[User Picture]From: moosical
2003-10-25 01:46 am (UTC)
From a brit reading this I was initially confused..

You see Solicitors over here are lawyers! and I was thinking what the hell were lawyers doing bothering you *ahem*

it's too early to think of a witty slogan but I liked the one that funjon said

("Solicitors are trespassers.

Trespassers will be shot.

Survivors will be prosecuted.")

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[User Picture]From: management
2003-10-25 02:08 am (UTC)
Post a cover charge of $20.00. At least you'll get something out of the intrusion.
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[User Picture]From: jproulx
2003-10-25 06:18 am (UTC)
Hire a bouncer for the building entrance.
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[User Picture]From: psaux
2003-10-25 08:49 am (UTC)
I'd love to come in to handle Reception/Phone's/Solicitor bouncing.

I work cheap, know linux/apache (though not a zealot) and would be willing to head out to portland at the drop of a hat.
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[User Picture]From: ellenlouise
2003-10-26 08:03 am (UTC)
...by which you mean, a receptionist. They'll turn them away.

But really, they shouldn't be coming in. Make a bigger sign?

Make a sign that says, "Absolutely No Soliciting."
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[User Picture]From: desar
2003-10-25 11:12 am (UTC)
How about "Attention Solicitors: We have no money!" ? :)
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[User Picture]From: alsatia
2003-10-25 12:36 pm (UTC)
Hang one new sign.
Torment the next solicitor that comes by.
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