August 19th, 2000


Stress, Happiness, etc ....

Nick, Dan and I are going fishing tomorrow. We're going to Murder's Creek history) in Central Oregon ... a five hour drive way the hell away from here. We're planning on leaving at 7 in the morning, about 4 hours from now. I've tried sleeping since 11pm but I finally just gave up and got back on the computer. I'll sleep in the car.

This fishing trip coincided well with my stress breakdown... I need to get away from everything for awhile. Between sysadmin bullshit and relatives, I'm going crazy. I just took a shower and found out that somebody's been using my towel. (but whatever... that's the least of my problems)

I've been thinking all night about what actually makes me happy. Hanging out with friends? I love hanging out with friends... Traveling? Depends on the company (with family it tends to be more hectic than it's worth)... but yes, I love traveling/roadtrips/camping ... Water? For some reason, I find water extremely relaxing. I need to go swimming more often, perhaps as an occasional alternative to running, given as how my body decides to break down so easily if I run for too long a period. I'm also thinking of buying a kayack... I think that'd be awesome, being able to kayack around all the bodies of water at school. Anybody know where I could get a used one, perhaps?

Finally, the other thing that makes me extremely happy --- Blythe. I absolutely love all the time I spend with her, but I feel bad for the way I have to manage my time between her and my computer obligations. For instance, she called the other night when I was in the middle of a rather critical system change on LiveJournal... things were partially completely, but if I didn't finish the other half quickly tons of stuff would be left broken. I really wanted to talk to her, but it was just a terrible stopping point. I fear this happens too often --- I'm probably not even aware of half the times I do this to her since it's just become so routine. Tonight I turned off my cell phone and phone before I went to bed in hopes that I'd actually fall asleep uninterrupted, but that didn't work. I just noticed I had a message on my cellphone and checked my voicemail and heard Blythe's voice ... I smiled. When I'm not stressed, she makes me so happy. (when I am stressed, nothing makes me happy except getting unstressed.... :-/)

I get so caught up in doing "work" stuff that I don't take time to have fun. But at the same time, I can't go out and have fun without knowing that my work stuff is completed.... I can't even sleep lately. I've tried going to bed at all hours to no avail. It sucks. So here I am, tired but unable to sleep at 3:30 in the morning, writing in LiveJournal, the 1 of 2 major stresses in life, soon to be accompanied by a third. I really need to learn to manage my stress/obligations and also enjoy life a little more. I used to think I had no real hobbies outside computers, but so far this summer I've rediscovered both running and bowling. I need to continue those when I get back to school.

Anyway ... I'll be back Sunday night. I won't have cell coverage in Central Oregon (nor email access) so if you need to contact me, tough luck. :-)