No go. It wouldn't even idle.
Called the service center who suggested a "niiiiice looooong ride." I explained that it wouldn't idle and the trickle charger went green repeatedly but wouldn't start. He laughed and said, "Yeah, you're going to need a new battery."
"Okay," I said, "I should be able to make it there as long as I keep giving it gas."
He laughed some more and said, "Good luck."
My options are basically:
1) take the battery out. (did this once --- pain in the ass)
2) have it towed (annoying)
3) attempt to get it there.
With 3), the worst case is I go back to 2). And 3)'s the most fun.